Vietnam Travel Tips

3. People

Character traits

Respect
This is an important aspect of Vietnamese society: respect of age, of profession, of wealth…
DO be reassured that, as a foreigner, you can get away with just about anything – so long as you do it with politeness and respect…
DON’T be afraid of “doing the wrong thing” or inadvertently insulting or upsetting people in Vietnam: it’s a lot harder to do than you’d think! Many people who travel to Vietnam believe they will give terrible offence if they forget to remove their shoes on entering someone’s house, or point at someone with their index finger. In fact, the Vietnamese are very tolerant of the foreigner’s lack of knowledge of local customs and most transgressions will be seen as minor. For important matters, don’t worry: you will be gently and firmly guided along the proper path.
DON’T lose your temper. This is usually seen as a lack of respect for others, and, what is worse, a lack of respect for yourself: to lose your temper is to lose face, and in Vietnam, not losing face is what it’s all about.
DON’T accept this last rule of thumb as a golden one, however: if, after lengthy negotiations, cajoling, smiling, counting to ten while breathing through your nose, nothing has happened, you can always try losing your temper as a last resort.
DON’T be aggressive if no-one is being aggressive to you: naked aggression is not admired as a quality of leadership or of anything else in this country and bullies get short shrift.

Politeness
DO remember that a lot of behavior in Vietnam is dictated by an incredible density of population. If you want to get anything done in this life, you may well have to put your elbow into your neighbor’s ribs to get past him. Remember to do it gently, and with a nice smile on your face. So, DON’T bother with queuing up for things: queues and line-ups just don’t happen in Vietnam. You just go for it, as though the gaggle of people in front of you were a mirage caused by the sun, waving your money, tickets, paperwork or whatever in the air and calling out imperiously to be served next.
Also, DON’T be offended by personal questions and remarks: people will often ask not only surprisingly nosy questions like: “how old are you?”, “where are you going?”, “why are you late?” but also make quite wounding personal remarks, such as “why are you so fat?” and “your husband is quite ugly!” These would obviously be considered very rude in many cultures but not this one.

Humor
Humor can be a valuable tool in Vietnam. The Vietnamese truly love to have a laugh about almost anything – and someone who can crack a joke will be appreciated, find it easier to fit in and, bizarrely, may even be taken more seriously by colleagues or associates – and indeed by any local.
The monosyllabic, tonal nature of the Vietnamese language also makes puns and plays on words particularly popular. You’ll be making a lot of these without even realizing you’re doing it when you speak some Vietnamese: that’s why people will often fall about laughing when you say anything, however simple or banal you thought it was!
DO joke about things as a polite way of dodging the many questions you may not want to answer (“How much did you pay for that?”) or as a clever way to defuse almost any kind of difficult situation. If you manage to have a laugh with people when you bargain, you’ll get a better deal when the time comes to fix a price. And you can gain people’s trust or sympathy much more easily than by any other means.
DO realize that Vietnamese people also laugh when they are sad, angry, embarrassed, puzzled, uneasy, shy, grieving, etc. – so laughter (literally) covers a lot of situations!
DON’T forget if you get stopped by the police with five kilos of heroin in your backpack, try slipping on a false nose and doing a funny walk. The firing squad will probably still shoot you.

Shyness and smiles
Younger people, particularly women, often appear painfully shy to foreign eyes.
DO understand, however, that to a great extent, this is the product of traditional Confucian values: shyness is seen as an outward form of respect and is culturally ingrained and prized as a virtue. The retiring modesty of a woman tittering behind a discreetly raised hand and cooing in a gentle voice can be quite charming – but you’ll be in for a shock when you hear this same lady giving orders at work or to her younger sister at home.
Smiles are more complicated: it’s a very Vietnamese trait, and people will smile at you wherever you go. This aspect of Vietnam maybe makes for an agreeable initial contact with people. But DO be aware that the Vietnamese smile in many situations where Westerners – and even most Chinese or other Aseans – would certainly not.
Emotions are expressed very differently by Asian peoples, when they are expressed at all. Misinterpretation is but a smile away. All this can take some getting used to for the newcomer: even when you are aware of it and have assimilated this intellectually.
However, baffling or mysterious Vietnamese smiles sometimes are, they can also often be a very uplifting experience. If you are travelling through the countryside late in the day as the sun begins to set, when workers walk or cycle home from the fields, elated by the end of long hours of hard labor, your path will be lined with smiling, waving adults and children. It makes you feel awfully important: a bit like royalty, acknowledging the acclaim of your loyal subjects. It also can make your smile muscles and waving arm quite exhausted!
There’s however an exception even to the ever-smiling reputation of the Vietnamese. Smiles are definitely NOT part of the Government clerks’ uniform. If you can wrench one from the bank teller, the post office lady or the train ticket salesperson, count yourself lucky.

Stubbornness
DO be advised that a Vietnamese will only very rarely show disagreement by confrontational means or even with a straight “no”. Nine times out of ten, he/she will say “yes”, along with one of those lovely smiles we were just discussing, and then just not do it: it’s as simple as that.
DO learn from the experts: when you’re bursting to say “no way, pal!” bite your tongue, smile and say “ye-e-es”. Culturally, it’s rarely a good move to say “no” right off the bat.

Vietnamese way of thinking

Good and bad tempers
It tends to be the accepted wisdom that Vietnamese people never really lose their tempers or get angry in public.
DO remember that, however exasperating a situation may become,
1) You may not have all the necessary elements in hand to understand fully what is going on.
2) Part of the problem is going to be your own lack of local language skills
3) It really isn’t a good idea for you to go wading in aggressively like a bull in a china shop
4) If you lose it, you’re as good as accepting that, basically, you’ve lost.
5) When you really have to tear someone off a strip, take care not to do it in front of others
6) Discretion is almost always the better part of valour: smile, even if it physically hurts sometimes.
DON’T give up, though: keep asking leading questions in order to verify and extend your knowledge of the situation.

Tolerance and patience
The Vietnamese are very tolerant of:
- Bad driving
- Noise
- Interruptions
- Invasion personal space
- Discomfort
- Sharing everything (food, clothes, books… literally everything)
And not very tolerant of:
- Insubordination
- Criticism of Vietnamese culture
- Difference displayed by their own people

Truth and lies
The most important thing in a Vietnamese context is to say the right thing, or, crucially, NOT to say the wrong thing. People will often tell you what they think you want to hear. This is intended to make life more agreeable for you, but it may take you some time to adjust to it.
DON’T feel insulted if a Vietnamese person smilingly tells you what you know to be barefaced lies: try to remember that that is just how things are here.
DO be wary of any important or controversial information you haven’t checked with an independent source: ask, confirm, reconfirm, crosscheck, ponder, and then try to make your own synthesis.

Nosy and curious
The Vietnamese are eager to share intimate space with others. Sometimes you may feel it is a bit nosy and curious, yet, if you happen to be a dull, uncharismatic bore, then here’s your chance of a lifetime to become a “star” of attention. So, in certain cases like this, when asked about you, you don’t have to be too serious to tell the truth. This is quite up to you!

Punctuality
Generally, people are very dependable when they are required to turn up and put in an appearance at a certain time. The only snag is that they might well arrive too early: DO take this into account if it is not convenient, and compensate accordingly.